This is a guest post from Susan Perloff of http://SusanPerloffWrites.com/.
Many of the spam comments posted to blogs are unreadable garbage, but some can be entertaining.
“You seems to be an expert in this field, good article and keep up the great work, my friend recommended me it.”
These complimentary yet illiterate words appear as “comments” on my blog. Someone – a man, a machine or a mouse – wrote them. And I appreciate them, because I do believe I ams (sic) an expert in this field.
While a human told a computer to deliver these non-sentences, probably no mortal created them. Computers do that. They generate random copy, which naughty people send as spam to blogs and other online discussions. They attach coding to their messages in hopes of spawning links back to their own sites, where they sell investment tips, real estate in Arizona or male gonadic enhancements. The comments rarely relate to the blog, let alone appear grammatical or possible, but they can present amusing reading.
“I’m very contented with your writing capabilities and the website design on your blog site. Simply how much is this theme or did you personalize it on your own? Whatever it is, carry on this fantastic writing, fantastic material like these are hard to find,” reads another.
Comment spamming began in about 2003. I receive only about six spams a day. But now that I manage the blog for a business association, I receive another 36. If I take a weekend off, the in boxes nearly topple.
Periodically I read them before trashing. “Given this latest post I am speculating that you are an connoisseur of fine jewelry. I myself, like to collect natural stones in the form of rings, earrings, necklaces.” Well, I am an (sic) connoisseur, but not of fine jewelry. I specialize in fine grammar.
Computers did not invent unreadable garbage. I think one of my ex-relatives did. In an academic publication called “Why gestures are not communication,” she wrote: “Gestures have been investigated primarily as pictorial representations intended to communicate information to their perceivers visually. This paper argues that affiliative gestures, the gestures affiliated with words, are neither visual nor communicative. They are kinaesthetic apprehensions directed by gesturers to themselves.” See?
A spammer sends: “Good post. I be taught something tougher on totally different blogs every day. It’s going to at all times be stimulating to read content from different writers and practice a bit one thing from their store.”
Yes, the blog’s spam filter caught this garbage and labeled it spam. I nearly considered it a compliment. I’d better begin to react differently.
“Amazinggggg skills! Keep it up man, you rock!”Amazingly, rock though I might, my correspondent thinks I have a Y-chromosome.
One commenter sends free verse: “Activity magic or stalking repeated although miles reflect hours bent flickering mood calculating fish.” Even if I skim the rest of the poesy, I know that fella needs to increase his meds.
“We need copy writers badly,” says a spammer, and I snap to attention. “After looking over this website, we decided we want you on our crew. Please swing by and see what we have to offer.” I think I will – until I check the return address: Freechinesefood. Oh. Hot and sour soup, please.
I receive three compliments in a row.
• “You made some respectable factors there.” Certainly hope so. Wish I were creative enough to invent this stuff.
• “In excess of what we had thought of in advance of the time we stumbled on your fantastic blog. I actually no longer have doubts because you have attended to each of our needs here.” Thank you, kind sir. I am happy to relieve you of your troubles.
• “It’s awesome to come across a blog every once in a while that isn’t the same unwanted rehashed material.” Unwanted, maybe. Rehashed, often.
But wait. They have found me out at last. “I was introduced about your blog from a neighbor. She is right about you.” Ah.
Susan Perloff is a freelance writer, editor and writing coach. She blogs http://www.susanperloffwrites.com/home/blog/ about business writing. Susan can help you write better, whether you write newsletters, annual reports, training manuals, profiles, brochures, corporate histories or personal stuff. With four national writing awards to her credit, she has written for more than 100 periodicals, including 125 articles for the Philadelphia Inquirer. Primarily she writes for businesses and nonprofits about college admissions and auto emissions, cancer and careers, pharmaceuticals and farms, search engines and service businesses, chemicals and condominiums, mammography and metal detectors. Clients include blue-chip companies and small professional practices. For 30 years she has taught adults to write.